Originally posted on August 11, 2009
I had a massive temper tantrum today. Yes–you read that right–I, the mom, the CEO, had a huge 30-second temper tantrum inside my car in the Costco parking lot. It’s the first time I really ever “lost it” in front of my kids, and boy do I feel t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e right now!
I am loud talker by nature–but screaming, eyes bulging out of my head, fist clenching, freaking the you-know-what out, well, I can’t say I have ever done that in front of my kids before.
Both of my kids have fully given up their naps, and yet neither are going to bed or waking up at reasonable times. They have started that natural sibling fighting with one another, and whining more often then not for everything, and about anything, under the sun. Between the swimming, the beach, the playdates, the ice pops, and all of the other “extras” that summer brings, they are simply exhausted. And so is Mommy.
I am sure that I am not the only mom who has lost her $h!t in front of her kids, and I am sure this won’t be my last time. It just sucks. I felt sad, they felt sad, and so through all of the yelling and crying, things were only made worse.
When we got home, we all went for a time out. Buckaroo in his bed, Miss Mac in hers, and me on the couch. I sat there in silence and thought long and hard about discipline, and respect, and mindfulness.
Why do my kids listen only after I’ve yelled, but not the ten times I said the exact same things in a calm, caring manner? Why do I have to look like the bad guy all of the time? Why do I have to rely on threats and bribes to get by? I really do want to raise strong-minded opinionated yet compassionate children, but why is it that they only seem to be whiny, persistent pains in the tooshie lately? I like giving them chances so that they understand that there are consequences for their actions, but is parenting in a 3-strikes-and-you’re-out method sending the wrong impression?
I am new to this. This being “CEO” of my house. I have never raised a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 year old before. Sometimes I wonder if going back to work is the answer, but then I get sad to think about leaving my kids and letting someone else teach them their life lessons. I didn’t push them out of my vajayjay to only hand the gloves over and let someone else do the rest of the hard work!
I guess all that’s left is to learn from my mistakes. We all have bad days, right? RIGHT? I’ll apologize to my kids, and I’ll let them know that I am sad about how our day went down. I’ll ask for their forgiveness and I’ll tell them that I do not want to feel this way again.
Oh boy, I could really use an instruction manual right about now…..
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