Guest Post:: Parenting Advice from a “Pro”

Today’s guest blogger is one of my absolute favorites–a must-read with my coffee each and every morning….
it’s Angie, from Seven Clown Circus!!  Take her advice…she’s got 5 kids!  She knows her stuff!

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I suppose that one of the first things you should know about me is that I love to guest post (thank you, Chrissy!). I’m not quite sure why. Sadly, I think it just might be the vanity it me that screams, “I got asked to guest post on blank, blank, blanks, blog”. Whatever the event, I’m happy to be here and hope that you’ll take me seriously (especially you new moms) when I tell you that I am an expert on Motherhood, and you really should listen to me. I do know what I’m talking about, as I have tons of experience in this field (said tongue-in-cheek). May I present to you my Mothering advice in letter form?

Dear Soon-to-be-new-mom,

You are about to embark on the adventure of a life time. There is nothing quite like it. Trust me on that one. As a seasoned mother of five, I feel experienced enough to offer you a few tidbits of advice.

Now, I’m well aware that the advice I’m about to give you isn’t the typical advice given like:

• nap when the baby naps
• take time out for you
• don’t let your child sleep with you
• remember your partner-they might feel left out
• don’t spank or scream at your child; take 10 cleansing breaths before punishing child

Just to reiterate, my advice isn’t typical, but it is lovingly given, and it makes sense. To me. I can’t help but think that if it makes sense, there must be something to it. Now, these items of advice are NOT tried and true by me, but I’m pretty sure they’ve worked for others, so why not you too? If nothing else, it’s something to think about.

1. Locks. Install a lock on the outside your child’s door post haste. Take out all furniture except mattress (for safeties sake) and set a sleep routine. At bedtime, tuck child into mattress bed, give him/her a nice kiss good night and then LOCK them IN. In this way they:

• learn to become independent sleepers
• won’t interrupt your sleep by trying to get into bed with you (because they can’t)
• won’t be able to roam around the house attended should they wake up before their schedule allows.

This lock also works for naps in the same way it works for nighttime sleeping. I recommend a schedule something like this:

6pm to 9 am (night time rest)

11am to 4 pm (nap time)

2. Corporal punishment. Just do it. It’s worked in the past. Why not now? I know that this is highly frowned upon now, just don’t do it in public. If you decide to inflict bodily pain in order to teach a lesson, do it at home. I bet if they are afraid of being beat they’ll listen. I’m just sayin’. I’ve also heard that having a child kneel on sand or something gritty for an extended period of time works wonders. The benefits are:

• You child will most likely be forced into submission to your will and you won’t have to worry about back talking or inappropriate behavior in public.
• Your child with time may appreciate the motherly love you exhibited in order to mold them into the child you want them to be.

3. Diapers. Changing your child’s diaper when it is wet or soiled is bad for the environment if you use disposable diapers. Why not go green and only change the child once a day?

4. Eating. Parents should eat before the child. The alpha male and female should take all the sustenance they need and then offer the left overs to the off-spring. This does a few things:

• Establishes dominance
• Allows the child to learn self control. If they go hungry they’ll have to learn to master their appetite which can help in so many other areas in life.

5. Talking. You know that saying “children should be seen but not heard?” I think there is something to that. Children should be taught to be respectful of their elders and not speak unless spoken to. It also might be prudent to have children not seen OR heard. If you must go out, leave them at home, it’s easier that way on everyone. Just think how excited they’ll be to finally explore the world when they become adults!

Now, I wouldn’t presume to think that you’ll embrace all of these parenting suggestions, but I do think all of them have merit and might be a tremendous help to you as your embark on this journey through parenting.

Hugs and kisses with rainbows and puppy dog tails–
Your friend and child behavior advocate,

~ Angie, Seven Clown Circus